Numb

Everything I know clearly must exist
because I think therefore I am.
I know this very distinctly. I must exist.
I can prove everything I know,
But doubt of everything gets in the way.
I cannot doubt the clear and distinct facts that I perceive.

How can I trust my senses to learn the truth,
the senses they do deceive.
Reason will not deceive me.
But the facts may not be there,
since I doubt everything.
This is my vicious circle.

My senses tell me the sun is tiny and far away,
thus unattainable.
In actuality the sun is an enormous opportunity.
My senses deceive me, they always do.
Always close,but yet so far away.
A horrible truth.

Memories of how I got into this state are becoming a blur.
As I write,
the truth becomes a hazy state of clear.
The drapes billow like the enigmas
that inhabit my ghostly
world of the abstract.

My fingers type the work I know.
Within my soul.
But my senses fuel my thoughts.
They do deceive.
I have grown so cold.

Love, passion, pain and regret.
All emotions I once felt.
But they have vanished.
Burnt by the sun.

My heart beats, strong and alive
inside my chest.
But my soul is but a distant star.
Cold and desolate.

Indifference clouds my mind,
to the point of no return.
I reach for the sun and it burns me.
And yet I feel no pain.

I am human, if I am cut, do I not bleed?
This is what we are told.
Yet, no blood flows from my veins.
My senses are in flux.
Reason says this should not be.
I am reminded.

Through the fog I peer.
I see the light back to everything familiar.
As I walk towards it, the light begins to fade.
Quickly, I must get back!
Into the light I make haste.
Before I get swallowed by the abyss of uncertainty.

Home again on the nick of time.
Battered and bruised,
it will take time to feel love and pain again.
But that's okay.
Because I think, therefore I am.

Kendall Oliphant 2010